9 months, of joy? who are you kidding

One thing that has always bothered me is those annoying preggo women who have nothing but great things to say about growing a human. You know the ones.
"the best time of my life" or "I have never felt so good" or my personal favorite "I can't believe what a joy it is to have someone growing inside me" Seriously what have you been smoking and where can I get some?

Why does no one ever tell the truth about the 9 (actually 10 but no one tells you that) horrible horrible months of a woman's life. first it starts off alright I mean admit it the first thought you have is not having to deal with WW3 in your uterus every month for a while and that is truly a gift, although that bitch does come back with a vengence soon as you push that slimy thing out of your nether region, but we don't think about that at first.
And then it hits, at first it can be harmless a small sniff of something you used to love and next thing you know you're head is hovering the shit pot even if there isn't anything in your stomach that doesn't stop you, it just heaves and heaves. Then it gets worse things you used to love to eat, to smell, even look at sometimes have you running for the shitter oh and if it hasn't been cleaned in a few days that just makes it worse. Nothing makes you vomit harder with an already sensitive nose then the smell of a well used piss pot.

Just when things to have calmed down a little and you feel like you can eat something other than crackers and ginger ale (if you can even handle that with my second human it was carrots and water) you may even start to feel a little movement, but that also means Ultrasounds where they make you fill your already tiny bladder to the limit or wanting to run for the pisser again, oh and blood work. when that passes and you get bigger you eat more which come on has to the be the one good thing about this whole process, also means you have to expel you bowels more often, or will back you up to the point of where once you do get to push out that log that has been blocking your hole for however long, it takes so long or so painful it feels like you are actually in labor only pushing out the wrong hole...and by doing so will cause the dreaded thing no one talks about the roid's oh god those things sticking out of your ass, they itch they burn, you can't shit for the life of you. and since you are big by this point the pressure of everything pushing down keeps the bastards there.

the heartburn, the sneezing to the point you piss yourself while in the process. oh and then labor you think to yourself YAY it's almost over I just need to get through this, it won't be that bad...HA don't kid youself even if you are one of the lucky ones who's labor is short it still hurts like a bitch like no pain you could imagine. sure there are drugs to help with that but still you know what is happening, a head is coming out of your pleasure hole, it tears it burns. and then as I mentioned your uterus gets her revenge, you bleed for 6 weeks or longer.
So all this crap is a joy, a gift the best time in a woman's life...who the hell are you kidding?

Contagious

Well as I mentioned on my FB page yesterday I had run in number 2 with eldest teacher...and this time I almost slapped a bitch like some nerve.
Basically since birth eldest has had a wart on her pointer finger of her right hand which just so happens to be her writing hand, we have had it treated and have re treated it at home multiple times. it keeps coming back, no big deal right? Well when I showed up to pick eldest up from school yesterday teacher says she needs to speak to me for a second....um ok first thought was oh god did she act up pull an attitude, say a bad word...flash the class. so many thoughts went through my head as she ushered out all the other kids to the their waiting parents.
So she asks me into the class room and gets all serious and says to me "I noticed this marrk on her finger today...you need to take her in to get it treated because you know they are contagious" dumbfounded I looked at her and said we have had it treated and it comes back...etc convo goes on during which I swear she said the word contagious at least 5 times....well bitch it's not she's had it since birth, so if it was we would all have them everywhere all the time. Just when I thought she was done she throws in "today we did some hand over hand writing, which seemed to help so you NEED to do it with her EVERYDAY at home it will help her focus" Excuse ms. she's opnly 4.5 ok well she's 5 next month. and you expect her to be able to write everything already and perfectly and focus...seriously it's a class of 20 5 year olds and you expect them to focus, well good luck with that, we do practice her writing her name at home. but really after spending 8 hours a day with the teacher who wants to come home and do more, no she wants to play with her little brother who she hasn't seen all day so yes that's what we let her do because in case you haven't noticed she's a friggin KID!
I swear to god the next time she has something to say to me about my child that resembles anything I have heard her to say to me I will most likely slap a bitch...and another thing if she was doing her damn job in the classroom why would you need to send them home to do all thsi time, I mean really isn't that why we send them to school?

Well after two days of trying to figure out the best way to approach this subject in a blog as it can be a sensitive to many for so many different reasons here it goes.

I will start this off by saying that I have been on both sides of the fence of bullying I was bullied all throughout grade school for being fat, and into middle school the same although I did start to make some friends then. In middle school was when it started to change for me, I discovered the "wrong" crowd, drugs, booze and smoking. that's also when I started stealing to impress my "friends" had house parties since my dad worked alot.

In highschool things started to change I had a group of friends even a boyfriend (btw huge douche bag) and then we became the bullies and god we were horrible people, I still think about all the crap we did to other girls, fights, dumping things on them, one girl even dropped out and moved across the country to get away from us, why did we pick on her? she broke up me and the douche bag. I mean it was always stupid things. and then I still got bullied this time it was my two best friends, we were fighting and they actually said to me that no one liked me and I should just kill myself and get it over with. half an hour later I tried, the only thing that stopped me was the thought of my dad and what it would do to him.

So I have told you all that to discuss this I'm not sure how many of you have heard about the Amanda Todd story, the pooor girl who was bullied so bad that two days ago she took her life. I will post the links to her youtube video she created a while ago, and the story about her passing at the end.

Bullying is SICK that's all there is to it, there is no need for it in this world. There is enough bad shit out there that something stupid as this doesn't need to be added. If you don't like someone else that's fine ignore them you don't need to be part of their life then but for some people to take it to the extreme they do sickens me to my very core.

even more so is the fact how young kids are starting now, a little girl my daughters is friends with and who she waits for to walk into school everyday was running late today, when they arrived I found out she didn't want to go to school because she was being bullied, this girl is in kindergarten people. So really you have to think about it bullying really starts at home where else where do kids that young learn such nasty behaviour. It is becomming pretty obvious that it really is the parents that are failing all these kids that are being bullied or bullying. Because the parents of the ones being bullied are at a loss, alot of times they don't know what is going on and by the time they do it's too late and if they do find out sooner what can they do? talk to the school. Ya that always works out they can' do anything either, which will then make things worse. and hte parents of the ones who are doing the bullying what the fuck is wrong with you? does it really make you proud to see your kids go off to school and torment other people to the point where they want to take their own life?

something really needs to be done in this world to stop the bullying, there have been so many tries for iit to stop kids trying to help stop it, but really when you think about it, it's really us the parents who are the ones who need to put a stop to, get stricter with your kids, if you notice something wrong and they seem sad, get them help, what ever you need to do, because bullying began and has to be stopped by us!

Amanda Todd news story/youtube video.

I'm back with a vengence

Alright so after a long time with no blogging (mainly due to lack of computer access) I am back. Just in time to I was and still am very peeved off today and here is why.

So my eldest has been in kindergarten for one month and here I thought all was going very very well. Until this morning anyway, when said eldest decided to tell me what has been happening in her class. She looks at me and tells that she can't do anything right in school, I asked her why and turns out her teachers yes two teachers have been telling her the way she does things is wrong. what is so wrong for a teacher to tell her that you ask? well one day during coloring she colored the people orange *GASP* not orange, another time when cutting out hands she snipped the fingers. oh god no please say it isn't so. a child in Kindergarten is learning how to do things and made some mistakes and honestly I don't see how coloring a person orange is wrong so what she's creative and thinks outside the box.

So before I dropped her off at school I told her to do her best (which I had already told her earlier to her reply but it's not good enough) and if she wanted to color the people orange go for it, hell do them green, she's a kid and has the right to be one, and I will be damned if some teacher is going to tell her things are wrong for being herself and being creative and just learning how to do things. I'm sorry but isn't that why we are almost forced to ship them off to school is to learn?

She's super freaky

If you can't tell from the title yes this post does involve sex.
so last night thanks to my bestest me and the hubs got a rare night out and yes I do mean rare until out anniversary last week we hadn't had a night out in two years yes you heard that right two freakin years.
So sure we didn't really do much last night, we went for a drive around the town took the back roads exploring, walked by the water and more driving, simple sure but we're broke and sometimes simple is the best way to go.
talked about old times, mainly sex like seriously we used to have a lot of sex, I swear the first 3 months of dating we didn't leave the bedroom and if we did we still found a place and way to get it on. Part of it cuz well until I met hubs I was a virgin, and partly well I'm just a freak. so last night when it started getting darker pulled up a back road and if you haven't guessed yet yup we got out and got it on...as the hubs put it, it was like being teenagers again lol. I wouldn't know what that was like since I was 22 when we got together, but him ya he would...ick pre-owned penis lol. but I'm over it he's mine now and apparently isn't going anywhere thanks to the great sex.
was it the first time we got freaky outside, ha no our last visit to the in-laws we went for a walk up their long wooded driveway and did. what can I say I like sex. so if you want to surprise you other half and spice it up just go for a drive somewhere stop get out and get it on....

when reality hits.

So I need to talk about something serious, I know I know wtf right? Anyway as a parent it is something that scares the living shit out of me. My kids being taken, or running away which either way they are gone. I think most of us as parents have that fear the hard part is not letting it take over your life to the point where you have your kid living in a bubble.
 I am bringing this up because a Derby Sister's son was missing. He didn't meet his mom at their pick up point, and he never called and being out of his character a huge search was put on, by search and rescue, and just people in the community who were worried. He was found walking along a road apparently it was his own choice.
I can't even imagine what must of been going through her head, I mean I may have a small idea, a couple years ago we were in Wal-Mart shopping and my daughter disapeared, how we don't know there were four of us, and it happened, she was gone luckily it only lasted a couple minutes and a lady told me she was near the change rooms...but wow that feeling I mean I can't even imagine of them being gone a long time.
It also seems like there are alot more freaks out there just waiting to take your kids, I read a couple weeks ago that a man tried to lure kids away from their house, yup he actually went to their house and to try and snatch them. I just don't know wtf is wrong with people these days.
So everyone I guess the point is to well hold your kids a little tighter, and if they are old enough sit down and have that talk with them, you know the one that will scare the shit out of them and no I don't mean the sex talk, I mean the don't talk to weirdo's talk.

A letter to my Uterus

Dear Uterus,

Fuck you, my whole life you have been nothing but a pain I hate you and wish I didn't have you. Sure you have given me two evil wonderful children who I love. But the 13 years before that ever since that first day you showed your head by having me bleed like a stuck pig I have had nothing but hate for you. every month you would cause me pain nothing but miserable horrible doubling over in pain, followed by the fact I couldn't leave the house without worrying about the red streaks I was positive would be there if I didn't check every minute. and then I got pregnant gave me 9 months of relief from you...and then to pay me back for those 9 months you came back with a vengence. Not only did you cause me even more pain than I could ever know even worse than labor but now the fact I couldn't even use a tampon without feeling like someone was shoving a baseball bat up my tunnel.
I got pregnant again yay maybe all will be fixed from the first time around...Boy was I wrong still the same things, except now you cause me pain, pressure so many things I hate you and I think we should break up. I have had my kids I am done so now I have no use for you.
trust me it's not me it's YOU now kindly fuck off.

Signed your body

busy busy busy

Ugh so far I have failed at keeping this a daily thing...I promise to try and do better lol. let's see what have I been up to? well my kids driving me bananas, being sore from my Derby life yes ladies and gentlemen I'm a derby girl or in our world I'm refered to as Fresh Meat lol which is better than rotten meat. Anyway I love it, amazing stress relief and workout I mean really I am finding muscles in my ass I didn't even know I had, so worth it lol.

umm ya not much else going on in my world, my anniversary is Friday and the hubby has some big night planned I so wanna know what but he won't tell me :( but that's ok I got to buy a new dress lol.

Ok I will make a better post tomorrow I do have things to say but I need to get my kids and hubby fed so I can head off to derby

What a pain in the ass...

As mothers we sacrifice alot of things our bodies being the biggest one. When we first get pregnant we are excited about growing a creature inside of us like some horror movie. And of course everyone always tells you that being pregnant is the most wonderful time in your life, obviously those people smoke alot of crack. Really what is so wonderful about it? Maybe just maybe you got lucky and didn't have the vomitting and still had the body of a super model, but for most of us we vomit, gain a shit load of weight, are bitchy as hell. all kinds of things oh god and the bladder I mean to this day I have no bladder I think my uterus swallowed it during my last pregnancy.

But there is one aspect of pregnancy no one likes to talk about, no one ever warns you about...dun dun dun hemorrhoids. the burning the itching the omg someone kill me. If you are lucky they are mild and go away soon after. No one told me about this pleasant addition to pregnancy so with my first oh man I was in for a ride, they itched and burned no matter what I couldn't get comfortable, but I dealt with thim with the promise they would disapear after I had the crotch flower. Ha my body had other plans although they were never that bad but every now and then they came for a party. Then for some silly reason I decided to have another what in the hell was I thinking? Well they came back with a vengence, I swear they were almost as big as my ass and trust me my ass is HUGE (another joy of reproducing) no matter what I did they wouldn't go away I was in tears praying and I don't pray ever. I couldn't lay on my side to relieve the pain my ass cheeks just squished them together, I couldn't lay on my stomach for obvious reasons, and my back well oh god I just wanted it to end. Did they? NO I still have them to this day 2 years after shooting that little crotch nugget out of me. Mainly it's just one big one just stays there taunting me all the time, most of the time he is calm and doesn't bug me but every now and then he invites all his friends and they have a huge party on and in my ass. and no amount of ass cream or "cooling" cloths etc will do the trick.
So what exactly is so great about being pregnant someone please tell me.

Holidays..the awkard times.

So with the holiday weekend coming up thought I would write a little post on how awkward they can be. I mean really let's face it if you are married or even just with someone and have kids or not. it comes down to who's family do you spend it with? even worse if you have divorced parents then the options double.
For us, we lived with my dad for awhile so that was easy, the in-laws live 3 hours away and we don't get there enough, well enough for me (but that's a post for another day maybe) and my mom I wish we could get over more but with the prices of things these days it is almost impossible without selling a body part.

Really we try to get everyone in as much as we can without draining ourselves and the kids. For Christmas last year we stayed here, my dad came over. my mom was in town not long after that so that worked out..and now with easter we are heading down to the in-laws to see everyone and by that I mean EVERYONE.
So how does everyone else work the holidays? is there one set of family you try to avoid, and how do you do that what excuses do you use (I am running out of ideas over here) yes this is a short post but I really don't want to get into my feelings about my upcoming trip right now, but I'm sure you can all expect an interesting post trip blog when I return lol.

from there to here.

So I figured for today's post I would give some more insight into my life, you know simple things how I met my hubby...and up til me today, trust me know one needs to know about my life before him I was not a nice person ha, ok well I'm still not that nice.

Ok so I met the hubby when I was 21 I had just transfered to a new retail store cuz well I needed a change so I moved to a new town and started there, we met May 11 2004 (yes I know the day only cuz it was his birthday lol) anyway soon as I saw him walk around the corner I was like O M G yum ha, the fact he smelled amazing didn't hurt the cologne wow. anyway we didn't talk much or anything for like a while, he was dating another cashier that ended even though I had no idea lol, then this other cashier was trying to get his attention so I gave up being subtle about liking him, he would always do this thing where he would skate (yes skate) up behind me and grab my sides hehe yup I went all school girl when he did that. anyway this other chick was moving away well even if she wasn't I was gonna make a move anyway lol. but we started talking about hockey and we went to a local teams game he had tickets to. after that the subtle me went right out the window, one night I was in "shopping" and was hanging around flirting with him he came up behind me and grabbed my sides and I said "Do it again do it again" he asked why I said I like when he does, that's when it finally clicked into him I liked him....yup he's a little slow lol anyway he made a date, well it was supposed to be a bunch of going to a game and I opted to go with and sit with him...we have been together ever since, so 7 years now.

in 2007 I got pregnant when our daughter Emileigh, we weren't trying but we weren't stopping either it was if it happens it happens type thing, mainly cuz I wouldn't let up with the whole "so when are we gonna have a baby" thing lol. yup persistence pays off and I always get what I want. anyway I hated being pregnant, I know how dare a woman say that right? well it's true my body didn't handle it well not even a little bit, he proposed to me a couple months after I got pregnant, won't say how the proposal was but it wasn't some over the top romantic deal. but I said yes anyway.
well November 13th 2007 I went into labor, started off easy contractions werent even painful they were every 5 minutes but not bad....next thing I know it's 4am I'm at the hospital getting ready to have a baby, labor was easy and quick so quick that they had to panic and find someone to deliver that was fun. and miss Emileigh was born, this tiny little thing that now depended on me. things have never been the same, I love her to death but some days I want to sell her.

jump ahead to 2009 in august actually I got pregnant with our second our son Luccas, at that point we had been trying for a while actually and I had just given up saying it was never gonna happen and poof two lines yay...once again pregnancy sucked monkey nuts ugh...but labor was even easier and faster this time to the point they hit hte alarm button cuz I didn't know I needed to push ( I might go into my deliveries in another post one day lol)
and he was born in May 2010 actually two days after hubby's bday...busy busy month now for birthdays.

so here we are 2012, we finally got married last year, nothing major just in my dad's living room with a couple witnesses and the justice of the peace guy. it was simple but it was great.

that is pretty much it, so now you all have a better idea of who I am etc. and how very very lucky I am to have this amazing hubby, I don't tell him that enough but he really truely is..I don't know what I would do without him he is my rock, my sanity (and for a craz person....another thing I will go into another day...we need the sanity) and an amazing father.

Germs, parasites and worms Oh gross.

well I always knew that kids were a breeding ground for germs and things I mean really how can they not be with the stuff they will put in their mouth without even thinking. And I should of known when the big started preschool this year it would be worse and sure enough she has come home with colds and flus spread it to the rest of us, ok that's fine I have cold medicine and maybe I do like how snuggly they are when they are sick. but this is a whole new thing, maybe even vomit inducing I know I almost did when I read about it.

When my dad dropped the big off last night he mentioned to me about a notice posted at her school about a confirmed case of the pinwheel worm my first thought was oh great here comes more colds etc, so after the kids were in bed I broke out my trusty laptop and decided to google the pinwheel worm just to have an idea of what I am in for if she were to contract it (which btw is VERY likely) and I almost threw up when I read about it. Apparently it is a tiny worm that lives in your intestine, well for a short while then it travels to your rectum and lives, at night this thing will crawl out of your ass hole and lay about 10,000 eggs all around your anus then crawls back in and dies, sounds yummy so far huh. well it is spread by the infected scratching said anus and getting the eggs which aren't visible btw under their finger nails and then by touching everything in sight like kids do the eggs are trasnfered and picked up so yup pretty much everyone will get it. and the eggs are infectious for up to three weeks....ick ick ick. so now I get to check the big ones next shit for worms to see if she does have them, but in the mean time i get to clean my house top to bottom and wash everything in sight. Yup cuz that's what I wanted to do today.
Now if you will all excuse me I am going to go vomit. Join me won't you?

Heels, a women's weapon

Ok so a follow up to yesterday's blog..(does it seem I have a sex theme going ha) well last night was the big finale, well part one I had him so pent up that he's still not done, poor guy (pfft ya right I am loving it) without going into details it was epic and amazing, some of the best we have had in a long time. so ladies take note if something is lacking, read yeterday's blog and spice it up, you will be satisfied, your guy will be happy and I'm sure you enjoy the pleasure or drawing it out and torturing your guy.
Ok and as for the title of the today's blog, a little warning when wearing heels to tease your guy by wearing them during the deed, make sure they don't have zippers or things on them, make sure they are soft maybe or just be very very aware or what you are doing with your legs/feet, otherwise you can cause some injuries to your man, we learned that over here, he showed me the marks and I couldn't believe how red and many etc there were. to drive the point home here is a photo of his leg, and yes he knows I took the pic and yes he knows I am showing it here (actually it was his idea)

I know right looks like our cat attacked him, nope those are his battal wounds from a night in the sack with me. Is he complaining? hell no, he knows how lucky he is to have me lol.

alright so I think about covers it right now, oh right if you are going to torture your man for a few days etc when you finally let him come  to the end make sure you're not on your side of the bed, couch etc wherever you finally have him let go, there will be lots and it will go everywhere ;)

the joy of having boobs...no really

Ok so thought I would share what is in my evil mind right now, why? well I like to turn other girls evil, and plus I love love to drive my hubby bonkers but in a good way.

So my poor poor hubby has been so sex deprived lately sometimes I'm not in the moood thanks to my stupid BPD, but these last few days, I have been doing it on purpose, wearing low cut tops and push up bras (not like they need to be pushed up anymore) doing my make-up, my hair my nails everything, texting him dirty things while he's at work. Sure enough the poor guy is so built up right now you would think I would let him finish but nope last night I took him to the edge, rolled over and went to sleep. he can barely walk today it's so bad, and here I am still pulling on his strings like a puppet master. Don't worry I will relieve the pressure soon enough and before you all start saying thingss like how mean I am and the poor guy...he enjoys the torture and teasing as much as I do it makes the sex and final release that much better.
So ladies if your sex life is a little dull right now, just string your man along for a few days a week whatever you want they do enjoy it, and trust me so will you knowing how much control etc you have over them.
and yes I am a lady in the street and a freak in the bed, I like sex always looking for ways to spice it up I mean really after 7 years who doesn't want to change it up a bit. and now if you will all excuse me I need to reapply my skanky red lipstick put on my heels and go cook some dinner...yes you heard that right ;)

Back and better than before

Well it has been a month since i have blogged my only excuse is, i hated trying to blog on a tablet with no keyboard I need a keyboard so I went back to a laptop and I feel so much better about it, and now i can once again annoy the world bahahaha (yes that was supposed to be an evil laugh)

so first I want to say how proud I am of my younger sister, she has always amazed me with the way she sees the world, and her want and need to help others, and as of December she headed back to Africa to do some volunteer work she has been there ever since, may not come back at all ha, which with the way we grew up I can't blame her lol. but she is amazing and I love her to bits even though we don't get to talk much anymore, but she does have a blog about her time and her expieriences she is having so go and read and follow, and see the world through the amazing eyes of a very smart girl love ya shorty.
http://kaylainafrica.blogspot.ca/

ok and now onto me lol yup because i am what counts it is all about me me me....ha even I don't believe that really what can be so exciting in the world of a stay at home mom. well today the big one left for her two day visit with grandpa which is a nice break for me and I get to have time with the little one. although the little one is mainly who I would like breaks from I mean he is such a little pain in the rear end it is insane. yup that's all I have to say right now...just wanted to say how excited I am that I have a keyboar again and of course boast about my awesome little sister

A new year

Yes I realize the year started almost two months ago, so what as usual I am behind the times lol. A little update you on get everyone up to speed and I do promise to write more I swear lol.
Well let's see kids were spoiled for Christmas, I took a break from my couponing hobby. Hmm wow you know you are boring when there really isn't much news to report ha
Oh that's not true, I registered Emileigh for kindergarten last week, I just can't believe it is that time already,  I thought preschool was hard next year will be worse.
As for me I have decided to join the wonderfullness that is roller derby, so I am sure I will be blogging about that to.