One thing that has always bothered me is those annoying preggo women who have nothing but great things to say about growing a human. You know the ones.
"the best time of my life" or "I have never felt so good" or my personal favorite "I can't believe what a joy it is to have someone growing inside me" Seriously what have you been smoking and where can I get some?
Why does no one ever tell the truth about the 9 (actually 10 but no one tells you that) horrible horrible months of a woman's life. first it starts off alright I mean admit it the first thought you have is not having to deal with WW3 in your uterus every month for a while and that is truly a gift, although that bitch does come back with a vengence soon as you push that slimy thing out of your nether region, but we don't think about that at first.
And then it hits, at first it can be harmless a small sniff of something you used to love and next thing you know you're head is hovering the shit pot even if there isn't anything in your stomach that doesn't stop you, it just heaves and heaves. Then it gets worse things you used to love to eat, to smell, even look at sometimes have you running for the shitter oh and if it hasn't been cleaned in a few days that just makes it worse. Nothing makes you vomit harder with an already sensitive nose then the smell of a well used piss pot.
Just when things to have calmed down a little and you feel like you can eat something other than crackers and ginger ale (if you can even handle that with my second human it was carrots and water) you may even start to feel a little movement, but that also means Ultrasounds where they make you fill your already tiny bladder to the limit or wanting to run for the pisser again, oh and blood work. when that passes and you get bigger you eat more which come on has to the be the one good thing about this whole process, also means you have to expel you bowels more often, or will back you up to the point of where once you do get to push out that log that has been blocking your hole for however long, it takes so long or so painful it feels like you are actually in labor only pushing out the wrong hole...and by doing so will cause the dreaded thing no one talks about the roid's oh god those things sticking out of your ass, they itch they burn, you can't shit for the life of you. and since you are big by this point the pressure of everything pushing down keeps the bastards there.
the heartburn, the sneezing to the point you piss yourself while in the process. oh and then labor you think to yourself YAY it's almost over I just need to get through this, it won't be that bad...HA don't kid youself even if you are one of the lucky ones who's labor is short it still hurts like a bitch like no pain you could imagine. sure there are drugs to help with that but still you know what is happening, a head is coming out of your pleasure hole, it tears it burns. and then as I mentioned your uterus gets her revenge, you bleed for 6 weeks or longer.
So all this crap is a joy, a gift the best time in a woman's life...who the hell are you kidding?
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